


hip(ster)s don't lie

by growlery, naessas



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Didn't Know They Were Dating, F/M, M/M, Notfic, Pining, we are both very fond of capslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/naessas/pseuds/naessas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tauriel is a giant hipster and Kili is the grunge kid who loves her. [chatfic]</p>
            </blockquote>





	hip(ster)s don't lie

**constantlyinconstant:** [Evangeline Lilly photoshoot](https://www.dropbox.com/s/w9eelvplyb92uvv/IMG-20140126-WA0000.jpg)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** It came up on my dash and all I could think was hipster Tauriel  
 **constantlyinconstant:** damn you  
 **constantlyinconstant:** She wears trilbies and has awesome nails and on point liner  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Her bff is preppy Legolas  
 **constantlyinconstant:** And grunge/rock Kili has a massive crush on her  
 **growlery:** HIPSTER TAURIEL OMG ILU  
 **growlery:** LEGOLAS ALSO HAS AWESOME NAILS AND ON POINT EYELINER  
 **growlery:** And everyone mocks Kili for liking a dirty hipster  
 **growlery:** HE TOTALLY DRAGS HER TO A PUNK SHOW  
 **constantlyinconstant:** OF COURSE THEY MOCK HIM, FILI THINKS IT'S HILARIOUS  
 **constantlyinconstant:** AND TAURIEL HAS A LOT OF FUN AT THE PUNK SHOW EVEN IF SHE WON'T ADMIT IT  
 **growlery:** SHE LIKES PRETENTIOUS BANDS AND SITS IN COFFEE SHOPS WITH HER LAPTOP AND SHE'S TOTALLY SINCERE ABOUT IT LIKE SHE'S NOT *TRYING* TO BE HIPSTER  
 **growlery:** BUT SHE SO IS  
 **growlery:** So naturally she's fair game for mocking AND SO IS KILI FOR WANTING TO HIT THAT  
 **growlery:** ahhhh Tauriel has so much fun and gets dragged into the mosh pit and Kili is SO WORRIED until he wades in himself and sees her kicking arse  
 **growlery:** in retaliation she makes him go to a poetry slam or a tiny indie gig which he also secretly enjoys  
 **growlery:** And they mock each other relentlessly too and everyone else is like *eye roll* stop flirting and just admit you like each other already  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Oh gosh yes, they mock each other relentlessly because ugh you're such a hipster, ugh you're so punk  
 **constantlyinconstant:** She drags him to the independent coffee bar because their organically grown beans make coffee that is out of this world  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Kili is reluctantly enjoying the poetry slam until suddenly TAURIEL STANDS UP AND READS NEXT AND DAMN KILI KNEW HER VOICE WAS GORGEOUS BUT WHEN SHE READS IT IS ALL EMOTIVE AND LOW AND HE IS SO GONE  
 **constantlyinconstant:** AND HE STARTS TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT HER VOICE AND THE DURINS ARE JUST EYE ROLLING  
 **constantlyinconstant:** FILI AND LEGOLAS GET PULLED ALONG ON COFFEE DATES BECAUSE "WE'RE NOT DATING, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WE SHALL BRING OUR BESTIES WITH US"  
 **constantlyinconstant:** They develop a healthy snarky relationship with lots of mutual side eyeing the oblivious idiots  
 **growlery:** YES TO ALL OF THIS UGH  
 **growlery:** Tauriel's poem is about stars and it's the kind of thing that SOUNDS trite and pretentious but it's also about grief and civil unrest and doing the right thing regardless and Kili is SO in lust with her  
 **growlery:** FILI AND LEGOLAS ABANDON THEM HALFWAY THROUGH A DATE BECAUSE MOCKING THEM HAS STOPPED BEING ANY FUN NOW BOTH OF THEM ARE OBLIVIOUS TO ANYONE BUT EACH OTHER  
 **growlery:** They go to an indie music shop and scorn each others' tastes but then find a band they both like and it's like, huh  
 **growlery:** ALSO ONE DAY GIMLI IS ALSO THERE BECAUSE FILI HAS SHIT TO DO AND GIMLI AND LEGOLAS FALL IN SNARKY LOVE TOOOOOOO  
 **constantlyinconstant:** SOUL BOND MUCH? I WAS TRYING TO FIND WAYS TO GET GIMLI AND LEGOLAS TO MEET  
 **constantlyinconstant:** SO MUCH YES TO ALL OF THIS, PLEASE CONTINUE  
 **growlery:** Meanwhile Kili and Tauriel go clothes shopping together so Tauriel can get Kili hipster clothes and Kili can get Tauriel grungey clothes and it started off as a joke but ended up in them using it as an excuse to ogle  
 **growlery:** Gimli is totally a tiny angry goth kid  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Oh god yes, best side pairing, the tiny angry goth kid and the lanky perfect preppy prince  
 **constantlyinconstant:** I AM SQUEALING OVER ALL OF THIS, I AM MAKING INHUMAN NOISES  
 **constantlyinconstant:** I AM IN FRONT OF PARENTS  
 **growlery:** AHAHAHAHA  
 **growlery:** You started this, okay  
 **growlery:** Y O U  
 **constantlyinconstant:** TAURIEL AND KILI SWAP iPODS BECAUSE DAMN YOU NEED BETTER MUSIC TASTE OKAY  
 **growlery:** YESSSSSS  
 **constantlyinconstant:** AND NEITHER WILL ADMIT IT BUT WHEN THEY GET HOME THEY BOTH DL THE ALBUMS OF THE OTHER’S FAVE BAND  
 **constantlyinconstant:** BECAUSE REASONS  
 **growlery:** They sit out looking up at the stars and listen to each others' ipods and totally don't hold hands  
 **constantlyinconstant:** They totally don't hold hands, but there is definitely brushing of pinky fingers  
 **constantlyinconstant:** And if Kili's finger ends up resting in too of hers for the duration of an entire song, well neither of then say anything about it  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Also Instagram stalking  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Kili becomes an excitable puppy whenever she likes one of his photos  
 **constantlyinconstant:** AND THEY GET TO THE STAGE OF LOOKING FOR THINGS THE OTHER WILL LIKE WHEN THEY GO SHOPPING  
 **growlery:** OH MY GODDDDDD  
 **constantlyinconstant:** THEY ARE STILL TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS BUT THEY BECOME THE FRIENDS WHO DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE DATING  
 **constantlyinconstant:** LEISHA HELP  
 **constantlyinconstant:** WHAT HAPPENS THEN  
 **growlery:** INSTAGRAM STALKING  
 **growlery:** INSTAAAAAAAGRAAAAAAAM  
 **growlery:** Okay okay so  
 **constantlyinconstant:** I KNOOOOOOOW INSTAGRAAAAM  
 **constantlyinconstant:** TAURIEL'S IS LOTS OF SUNSETS AND ARTY SHOTS  
 **constantlyinconstant:** BUT THEN THERE ARE THE CANDID SHOTS OF HER THAT LEGOLAS LIKES TO TAKE  
 **constantlyinconstant:** AND SHE LOOKS SO STUNNING THAT KILI JUST STARES AT THEM  
 **growlery:** KILI MAKES TAURIEL A MIX TAPE FOR HER BIRTHDAY AND IT'S FULL OF MUSIC SHE ACTUALLY WOULD LIKE  
 **growlery:** Also yessssss  
 **growlery:** HE CREEPS THROUGH HER INSTAGRAM AND SAVES THE PICTURES OF HER FACE  
 **constantlyinconstant:** SOUL BOND  
 **constantlyinconstant:** ONE TIME SHE STEALS HIS PHONE AND HE IS JUST LIKE "PLEASE LET HER NOT FIND THE FOLDER, ANYTHING BUT *THE FOLDER*  
 **constantlyinconstant:** BUT THE MIXTAPE, LEISHA, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE MIXTAPE?  
 **growlery:** YES WE CAN  
 **growlery:** SO THEY’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A WHILE NOW AND TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER FOR MONTHS AND KILI'S LIKE GOTTA DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR HER BIRTHDAY  
 **growlery:** you know BECAUSE WE’RE GOOD FRIENDS  
 **growlery:** AND THAT'S WHAT GOOD FRIENDS DO  
 **constantlyinconstant:** OF COURSE, SUCH GOOD FRIENDS  
 **growlery:** And Tauriel loves music, like, that's her favourite thing in the world  
 **growlery:** (She totally drums) (at first it was to have a beat for her poetry) (but then she just kept at it) (BUT THAT IS IRRELEVANT AT THIS JUNCTURE EXCEPT FOR HOW HOT SHE IS WHEN SHE DOES IT AND KILI MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** HOLY HELL OF COURSE SHE DRUMS  
 **growlery:** KILI'S LIKE YOU ARE WASTED ON HIPSTER MUSIC  
 **constantlyinconstant:** SO VERY WASTED, YOU COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER  
 **constantlyinconstant:** AND TAURIEL IS LIKE IT ISN'T ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOOD AT, IT'S WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD, AND THIS MUSIC MAKES ME FEEL MORE  
 **growlery:** Anyway so of COURSE he needs to make her a mix tape  
 **growlery:** On a cassette and everything  
 **constantlyinconstant:** And of course he just happened to know what her favourite thing in the world is  
 **constantlyinconstant:** And good friends pay attention to each other's music tastes, that's the only reason he know what she'd like  
 **constantlyinconstant:** AND SHUT UP FILI HE WAS *NOT* ANGSTING OVER WHICH SONGS TO USE  
 **growlery:** HE TOTALLY SPENT AGES LISTENING TO THE SONGS SHE MADE HIM LISTEN TO AND INVESTIGATING THEM ONLINE TO FIND SIMILAR BANDS AND LISTENING TO 8TRACKS MIXES AND MAAAAAYBE FAUX CASUALLY CHECKING A FEW THINGS WITH LEGOLAS  
 **growlery:** But that's not angsting AT ALL  
 **growlery:** Oh god  
 **growlery:** Yasmin  
 **growlery:** What if he RECORDS HIMSELF READING ONE OF HER POEMS FOR THE TITLE TRACK  
 **constantlyinconstant:** OH  
 **constantlyinconstant:** MY  
 **constantlyinconstant:** GOD  
 **constantlyinconstant:** THE FIRST POEM, THE ONE SHE WAS WRITING WHEN THEY MET AND THAT SHE READ AT THE SLAM  
 **constantlyinconstant:** HAHA YES HE SORTA CHECKS THINGS WITH LEGOLAS IN RETURN FOR INFO ON THE SORT OF PLACES GIMLI WOULD MAYBE LIKE TO HANG OUT  
 **growlery:** AHAHA YES  
 **growlery:** Maybe Legolas approaches him first  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Of course he does, and he is suitably awkward about it  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Because gosh why would you think he's interested in GIMLI  
 **constantlyinconstant:** They're just mates duh  
 **constantlyinconstant:** But Kili is desperate at this point, like he's made the mix but then SUDDEN NERVES AND WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT  
 **growlery:** Gimli doesn't even really LIKE him  
 **constantlyinconstant:** No he totally doesn't  
 **growlery:** And Kili's like *eye roll* so oblivious  
 **growlery:** SHE MIGHT THINK IT'S TOTALLY PATHETIC AND SILLY LIKE WHO EVEN MAKES MIX TAPES ANY MORE UGH KILI  
 **growlery:** Or worse  
 **growlery:** She might think he's trying to TELL HER SOMETHING and get awkward and like uh Kili I don't think we can be friends any more since you have such a raging crush on me  
 **growlery:** But hey their friendship has survived several months of him pining WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN  
 **growlery:** (Spoiler alert: a few days after the party she has for her birthday she turns up at his and Fili's flat and when he answers the door she kisses him)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (BEST SPOILER EVER)  
 **growlery:** (She may or may not have been listening to the mix on repeat) (and every song screams I love you I love you I wish you loved me too)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (And several hours of listening to it over and over are more than enough to break her oblivious bubble)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (She isn't one to waste time once she knows what she wants, so she literally grabs her jacket and goes)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Also Kili how can you call Legolas oblivious? Pot meet kettle  
 **growlery:** (AND SHE THINKS ABOUT ALL THE TIMES THEYVE HUNG OUT TOGETHER ALMOST TOUCHING AND CUDDLING AND *STARING UP AT THE STARS* AND THE RIDICULOUS WAY SHE FEELS WHENEVER THEY’RE TOGETHER AND IS JUST LIKE WELL, SHIT, WE’VE BOTH BEEN KINDA SILLY I HAVE TO GO FIX THIS)  
 **growlery:** FILI YELLS FINALLY WHEN HE SEES THEM AND SAYS HE'S GOING TO GIMLI'S, DON'T HAVE SEX IN THE COMMUNAL AREAS AND MAKE SURE TO USE PROTECTION  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (KILI IS MOSTLY STUNNED WHEN SHE STARTS KISSING HIM BECAUSE WHAT? IS THIS ONE OF THOSE DREAMS? THE ONES THAT TOTALLY NEVER HAPPENED?)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** TAURIEL IS VERY GLAD THAT FILI AT LEAST IS GETTING WITH THE PROGRAMME  
 **growlery:** And then they have seeeeeex and it's greaaaaaat and why haven't they been doing this for MONTHS  
 **constantlyinconstant:** Because idiots  
 **growlery:** Fili goes to Gimli's and finds GIMLI AND LEGOLAS HAVING SEX and is like WTF WHY DID YOU BOTH HAVE TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ON THE SAME DAY UGH  
 **growlery:** Not that he's not happy for them but WHERE DOES HE GO NOW  
 **constantlyinconstant:** HE GOES TO THE FUCKING COFFEE BAR BECAUSE MAYBE HE WILL FIND SOMEONE TO GET WITH  
 **constantlyinconstant:** SEEING AS IT WORKED SO WELL FOR EVERYONE ELSE  
 **growlery:** AND THERE HE MEETS ARAGORN THE GRUNGIEST PERSON TO EVER GRUNGE AND IS LIKE DUUUUUUDE  
 **constantlyinconstant:** OH MY GOOOOOD  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (Who cares about timelines?)  
 **growlery:** (Aragorn's totally only there for Arwen duh) (but Fili doesn’t care HE IS PAST JUDGING PEOPLE)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (FILI IS SO PAST JUDGING ANYONE)  
 **growlery:** LABELS ARE STUPID ANYWAY  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (AT THIS POINT HE IS CONSIDERING SETTING UP A MATCHMAKING SERVICE THOUGH)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (ARAGORN'S REACTION WHEN ARWEN COMES IN WITH TWO REALLY PRETTY GUYS CRACKS FILI UP)  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (BECAUSE THANKS TO LEGOLAS HE KNOWS THEY ARE HER BROS)  
 **growlery:** LOL YES OMG  
 **constantlyinconstant:** (BUT ARAGORN IS ALL WOE IS ME, LOOK AT HOW NOT HER TYPE I AM! LOOK)  
 **growlery:** I'M GOING OUT NOW BUT FEEL FREE TO HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS IN THE MEANTIME  
 **constantlyinconstant:** DAMN YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME  
 **growlery:** YOUUUUUU STAAAAAARTED THIIIIIIIIIS


End file.
